Advice for the Stepmom
The stepmom finds herself in a difficult position, and it happens too often in a stepfamily. The position of the stepmom is often the most difficult one in the stepfamily system. Do you find yourself going through these emotions?
As The Stepmom:
Do you feel like “an outsider” in the home, with everyone else sharing the same past?
Do you feel that your spouse does not give you the support you need?
Do you feel like you don’t have a say in the kids’ discipline or rules of the house?
Do you feel disrespected or disliked by the stepchildren?
Do you feel overwhelmed by all there is to do, and no time for yourself?
Do you feel unappreciated; you do everything a mom does, but get no credit?
Do you want to take your child’s side against the stepchild’s?
Does it seem that your husband gives too much time or is too lenient with his kids?
Do you worry about whether your relationship can get through this?
Does it feel like the kids are rivals against you for their dad’s time, love and affection?
Do you feel like you can’t learn all there is to know about being a parent?
Is your husband’s ex making it harder for you than it needs to be?
Know that these are the feelings the stepmom faces in most stepfamilies! They are NORMAL reactions of the stepmom to the structure of a stepfamily. You are not alone – these experiences and feelings are common to stepmoms. How do you deal with them, and how do you make your stepfamily successful? If you’re finding the stepmom role to be a hard role to manage, start by learning all you can of the basics. Look into the 6-week online course Creating a Successful Stepfamily.
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Okay – I am actually feeling alot of these ways, and more so confused about how my husband deals with things with his Ex and his children… I feel like our marriage comes 2nd to what his Ex says or wants, he allows her to control what days we can switch and or what days work best for her, and if we have ever asked to do this she says no and we are stuck trying to figure something else out. It has gotten so bad that now my husband wont even ask to make a change and he says that now he doesnt want to deal with her and even her saying negative things about him to the kids, but yet when she wants something he does it because he says she will not allow him to talk to kids or see them (yes even though they have a court order) so needless to say, I told him he needs to put our marriage 1st even if it means taking a trip and putting us into perspective and if it happens to be a weekend she wont change, then he needs to readjust and just make it happen and pick up his children the following weekend. He refused and said I was giving him an untimatium, I really dont feel this is the case espcially since this is maybe the 1st time I have asked for this type of alter to the schedule in well over a year… I have a son too and we have him FT and all I hear about is how I have it good and I dont have to deal with this or that, but to be honest, he isnt dealing with anything if he never addresses it or backs me up… I am at a crossroad with my marriage, do I want to have a spouse that devotes himself to me only when it doesnt involve his kids or Ex?
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