Announcing a Contest – 3 Days Only!
21 February 2010
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For the stepmom; the stepdad, and the mom or dad married to a stepparent:
The class Creating a Successful Stepfamily starts on Tuesday night, Feb 23!
ENTER THIS CONTEST AND WIN A FREE ENROLLMENT
Just answer (as a comment or on Contact form) this question:
WHAT DO I MOST WISH I HAD BEEN TOLD WHEN I STARTED MY STEPFAMILY?
We want you to have a chance to get in on this valuable webinar and get the fundamentals you need to turn your stepfamily in a positive direction… It includes a thorough understanding of how stepfamilies function differently from first families, how to put your priorities in place, and many ideas and instructions that will help you to navigate the unfamiliar territory of step!
The best response wins a seat in the comfort of their home, for a webinar and over seven hours of valuable instruction!
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I wish someone would have sat me down and told me that pretty much regardless of the situation, most of what occurs in my stepfamily dynamic has nothing to do with me. It is really only recently through the wisdom of bloggers and fellow stepmoms (and the Four Agreements) that I am learning the importance of “not taking it personally” and am beginning to see that my husband’s,stepdaughter’s and biomom’s actions and issues typically don’t involve me at all. Learning that SD’s little comments about how her mom makes cupcakes versus how I make cupcakes are her dealing with her feelings is helping me to keep my feelings in check and under control. Learning that my husband’s seeming spinelessness when it comes to disciplining his daughter is really just a manifestations of his fears is helping me to not let unnecessary issues flare up between us. Reminding myself that biomom’s snotty comments are related to her insecurities and fears is helping me to become less reactive. I think I intuitively knew all of this going into the stepfamily but having someone tell me concretely to not take it personally (and to repeat this to myself early and often) would likely have helped to eliminate some of the hard feelings and high emotions of these first few months.
What do I wish I had been told? It’s hard to know where to begin. When I stepped into the world of stepparenting, I had no idea what lay ahead of me. I did have faith in our new family, but I had literally no idea what I was doing. I wish someone had told me that this is truly where I am meant to be, that fate had a way of smiling down on the three of us by bringing us together as a family.
I wish someone had told me that all of this would bring out the best in all of us. I would have learned to relax a little about trying to be perfect. I wish someone had explained to me that the trials and trip ups along the way were only going to make us stronger as a family. I would have enjoyed the trials and tests a bit more, knowing it was working on our character as a family. I wish someone could have told me how far we’ll go, because in the beginning, I could barely see past the next day. I wish someone could have told me how much stronger, smarter and determined this all was going to make me. I wish I could have been shown the intense and beautiful dedication our blended family has together.
I wish that I had other stepmoms that could have told me alot actually. A big one is that there will be huge ups and downs over the years and that there very well may come a time when these wonderful kids whom you’ve fallen in love with may end up hating you and your world will seem like it’s been crushed and tell you that you need to gain the tools to deal with this.
The other one is that it’s going to be hard, you won’t get married and it will just fall into place as if this was a 1st family with no kids and you are forging those waters together. It will be different especially for someone who goes in childless but with the hopes of creating and adding to the family.
Amy, thanks so much for sharing these beautiful comments – so many of us don’t have a clue when we go in, and I try to help them understand just what you’re saying! Hindsight gives us such a wonderful perspective, after going through the mire of the challenges, doesn’t it?
Lisa, Thanks for sharing these comments. You’ve been through alot, and I know you’ll come out stronger for it all. Please see Amy’s comments below, too. Look forward to having you in class tonite!
Dayle, thanks so much for sharing this – your perspective is awesome! I’d love to share some of this with my class… and I wonder if you’d be interested in reviewing my class for your blog? I do have an affiliate program..
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