Comments for stepmomsos.com http://stepmomsos.com Step By Step Family Success Sun, 22 Aug 2010 16:21:29 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 Comment on The Stepmom Stepdaughter Relationship by admin http://stepmomsos.com/the-stepmom-stepdaughter-relationship/2010/03/comment-page-1/#comment-243 admin Sun, 22 Aug 2010 16:21:29 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=360#comment-243 Gina, I'm so sorry to hear how much you have been through, and I'm wondering if you're on your own, now that you are 22. You have much pain to work through, and I suggest that if at all possible you get some therapy, or at least some kind of support group to help you with it. It does seem at this point that you would be protecting yourself best by getting out on your own, so that you can begin your recovery. As for your dad, keep a relationship with him the best you can. Have a heart-to-heart with him when you are calm, and in neutral location. You need some distance from your stepmom until she decides she is ready to work on the grief that she is taking out on you. Gina,
I’m so sorry to hear how much you have been through, and I’m wondering if you’re on your own, now that you are 22. You have much pain to work through, and I suggest that if at all possible you get some therapy, or at least some kind of support group to help you with it. It does seem at this point that you would be protecting yourself best by getting out on your own, so that you can begin your recovery. As for your dad, keep a relationship with him the best you can. Have a heart-to-heart with him when you are calm, and in neutral location. You need some distance from your stepmom until she decides she is ready to work on the grief that she is taking out on you.

]]> Comment on Your Husband’s Ex-Wife by admin http://stepmomsos.com/your-husbands-ex-wife-challenge-or-opportunity/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-242 admin Sun, 22 Aug 2010 16:15:15 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=146#comment-242 Beth, this is sure a tough one, and a situation that is too common for stepmoms! It's very admirable that you support your husband in being there in every way for his children. However, it does seem that things are out of balance. I hope that you'll have him read the blog post "Open Letter to Dads" in this site, and take the free intro class together. Your couple strength needs to improve so that you can work this out together. If even one of you takes the Stepfamily Success Course, you will get a tremendous amount of information that will help you to determine what is normal and appropriate, along with strategies to work through these issues. Thank you for reaching out, and I want the best for you and your family! Beth, this is sure a tough one, and a situation that is too common for stepmoms! It’s very admirable that you support your husband in being there in every way for his children. However, it does seem that things are out of balance. I hope that you’ll have him read the blog post “Open Letter to Dads” in this site, and take the free intro class together. Your couple strength needs to improve so that you can work this out together. If even one of you takes the Stepfamily Success Course, you will get a tremendous amount of information that will help you to determine what is normal and appropriate, along with strategies to work through these issues. Thank you for reaching out, and I want the best for you and your family!

]]> Comment on Your Husband’s Ex-Wife by Beth http://stepmomsos.com/your-husbands-ex-wife-challenge-or-opportunity/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-240 Beth Wed, 18 Aug 2010 05:24:52 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=146#comment-240 My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years. He has 3 children from a 12 year marriage. They are 17, 16, and 13. We have a 3 year old son together. I have yet to meet the BM. She refuses to meet me, talk to me, or acknowledge me. She lied to the children when me and their father first met and blamed me for their divorce. Thus, the kids refused to be around me for 2 years, although I was married to their father. It wasn't until our son was born that they wanted to come around and it took 3 years for the eldest daughter to even meet me. We live 300 miles away from the kids and the BM refuses to bring the kids halfway to meet us so we can pick them up. If we want to see the kids, we have to drive 5 hours there, and 5 hours back, which takes up an entire weekend just driving. Therefore, we rarely see the kids because they don't want to drive all that way(can't say that I blame them) The only holiday they actually come around for is x-mas. The kids and I get along great and they love their brother. He loves them. BM hates when they are here and calls them constantly and guilts them that they left her at the holidays. Once they were with us and a snowstorm hit, preventing us from getting the kids back on the day they were supposed to be returned. The BM flipped out and called the Sheriff's office to claim we had kidnapped her children. Luckily, they were able to explain to her that their father had visitation rights and she could not infringe upon them and the weather was too bad and the roads were closed down and she needed to get a grip. The worst part is that she receives a hefty amount of child support from my husband and has nothing to show for it. The kids tell us that the bill collectors are always calling and we even receive collection notices in the mail when they can't find her. They never eat at home, every meal is eaten out. We have to buy their school clothes, supplies, etc. and fix the daughter's vehicle so she can get to work and take her siblings to school. The kids are hesitant to acknowledge me. The girls never call me by name and rarely initiate a conversation w me. When I ask them something, I typically get a short response. The son, whom has spent the most time with us, refers to me by a nickname only he coined a summer ago. That has eased the situation considerably. The kids are VERY loyal to their mother despite their disgust with her in regards to their financial situation. My husband gets irritated with the BM and hurt by the kids. He does and does for them. Any extra money he has, he gives to them. Pays for just about everything, in addition to his child support. But they rarely come see him and we have even driven all the way down there for them to stand us up to go w their mother to a family function or to hang out with their friends. I think this is highly selfish and the BM should support them seeing their father. She tells them he was a horrible husband and a bad example. She tells them that I tore them apart when I never even knew them until after they were divorced. Because he feels obligated to pay for them, I am responsible for paying all the bills in our home. I pay the mortgage, car insurance, groceries, phone, gas, water, x-mas gifts, etc. Everything. He has no money after support, health insurance, and additional support he gives them. This really bothers me but I never say anything because I don't want to be insensitive to him helping his kids. He is very sensitive to their needs and if I say anything negative, he blows up. I have learned the hard way that I just come second or third. Even more irritating is that he will drop me and our son to tend to their drama or BM's drama. We have gone to counseling and I have tried to set boundaries, but he does what he wants and when it comes to his kids, there is no arguing with him. I love my husband and admire his dedication and unconditional love for his children. He is a fabulous father to all his kids and would do ANYTHING for them, without hesitation. I enable this behavior because he knows I'm there to pick up the slack and the pieces of his heart every time they lie, stand him up, or just plain cut him out of their life only to call him when they want or need something. Sometimes I convince myself that I'll get my turn when they are grown and gone. But somehow I don't think that will ever come to pass and I'll always be #2. I rarely talk about this because it just hurts so much. I have to be strong for him because if I'm not there to hold everything together, it will go spinning out of control. But I feel alone and wonder who will be there for me? A luxury I can't afford at the moment. Any comments are appreciated. My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years. He has 3 children from a 12 year marriage. They are 17, 16, and 13. We have a 3 year old son together.
I have yet to meet the BM. She refuses to meet me, talk to me, or acknowledge me. She lied to the children when me and their father first met and blamed me for their divorce. Thus, the kids refused to be around me for 2 years, although I was married to their father. It wasn’t until our son was born that they wanted to come around and it took 3 years for the eldest daughter to even meet me. We live 300 miles away from the kids and the BM refuses to bring the kids halfway to meet us so we can pick them up. If we want to see the kids, we have to drive 5 hours there, and 5 hours back, which takes up an entire weekend just driving. Therefore, we rarely see the kids because they don’t want to drive all that way(can’t say that I blame them) The only holiday they actually come around for is x-mas. The kids and I get along great and they love their brother. He loves them. BM hates when they are here and calls them constantly and guilts them that they left her at the holidays. Once they were with us and a snowstorm hit, preventing us from getting the kids back on the day they were supposed to be returned. The BM flipped out and called the Sheriff’s office to claim we had kidnapped her children. Luckily, they were able to explain to her that their father had visitation rights and she could not infringe upon them and the weather was too bad and the roads were closed down and she needed to get a grip.
The worst part is that she receives a hefty amount of child support from my husband and has nothing to show for it. The kids tell us that the bill collectors are always calling and we even receive collection notices in the mail when they can’t find her. They never eat at home, every meal is eaten out. We have to buy their school clothes, supplies, etc. and fix the daughter’s vehicle so she can get to work and take her siblings to school.
The kids are hesitant to acknowledge me. The girls never call me by name and rarely initiate a conversation w me. When I ask them something, I typically get a short response. The son, whom has spent the most time with us, refers to me by a nickname only he coined a summer ago. That has eased the situation considerably. The kids are VERY loyal to their mother despite their disgust with her in regards to their financial situation.
My husband gets irritated with the BM and hurt by the kids. He does and does for them. Any extra money he has, he gives to them. Pays for just about everything, in addition to his child support. But they rarely come see him and we have even driven all the way down there for them to stand us up to go w their mother to a family function or to hang out with their friends. I think this is highly selfish and the BM should support them seeing their father. She tells them he was a horrible husband and a bad example. She tells them that I tore them apart when I never even knew them until after they were divorced.
Because he feels obligated to pay for them, I am responsible for paying all the bills in our home. I pay the mortgage, car insurance, groceries, phone, gas, water, x-mas gifts, etc. Everything. He has no money after support, health insurance, and additional support he gives them. This really bothers me but I never say anything because I don’t want to be insensitive to him helping his kids. He is very sensitive to their needs and if I say anything negative, he blows up. I have learned the hard way that I just come second or third. Even more irritating is that he will drop me and our son to tend to their drama or BM’s drama.
We have gone to counseling and I have tried to set boundaries, but he does what he wants and when it comes to his kids, there is no arguing with him.
I love my husband and admire his dedication and unconditional love for his children. He is a fabulous father to all his kids and would do ANYTHING for them, without hesitation. I enable this behavior because he knows I’m there to pick up the slack and the pieces of his heart every time they lie, stand him up, or just plain cut him out of their life only to call him when they want or need something. Sometimes I convince myself that I’ll get my turn when they are grown and gone. But somehow I don’t think that will ever come to pass and I’ll always be #2.
I rarely talk about this because it just hurts so much. I have to be strong for him because if I’m not there to hold everything together, it will go spinning out of control. But I feel alone and wonder who will be there for me? A luxury I can’t afford at the moment.
Any comments are appreciated.

]]> Comment on The Real Stepmom’s Experience by admin http://stepmomsos.com/the-real-stepmoms-experience-2/2010/06/comment-page-1/#comment-181 admin Wed, 16 Jun 2010 03:26:08 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=433#comment-181 KP, Being a stepmom is tough - the toughest role of all... but with some understanding and support you can create a successful stepfamily. Your husband is probably trying (maybe too hard) to make the family blend into "one". I'd love for you to sign up for my Free Intro Class - see the home page; I think you'll get some valuable insight! KP, Being a stepmom is tough – the toughest role of all… but with some understanding and support you can create a successful stepfamily. Your husband is probably trying (maybe too hard) to make the family blend into “one”. I’d love for you to sign up for my Free Intro Class – see the home page; I think you’ll get some valuable insight!

]]> Comment on The Real Stepmom’s Experience by KP http://stepmomsos.com/the-real-stepmoms-experience-2/2010/06/comment-page-1/#comment-180 KP Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:25:13 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=433#comment-180 Thank you so much for sharing you experience. I am in a very similar situation. I find that the lack of control is causing a rift in my marriage. My husband's concern over my stepdaughter's feelings often leave me feeling like an outsider. In an effort to make sure she felt included, he even invited her to my ultrasound appointment and into the delivery toom when our son was born!!! Ultimately, the stepmother is taken for granted in her own home. Trying to decide if this is where I belong. Thank you so much for sharing you experience. I am in a very similar situation. I find that the lack of control is causing a rift in my marriage.

My husband’s concern over my stepdaughter’s feelings often leave me feeling like an outsider. In an effort to make sure she felt included, he even invited her to my ultrasound appointment and into the delivery toom when our son was born!!!

Ultimately, the stepmother is taken for granted in her own home. Trying to decide if this is where I belong.

]]> Comment on About by Arianna Torres http://stepmomsos.com/about-2/comment-page-1/#comment-165 Arianna Torres Thu, 20 May 2010 01:35:04 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?page_id=51#comment-165 A Life Coach is sometimes very necessary so that we do not loose our way in our lives."," A Life Coach is sometimes very necessary so that we do not loose our way in our lives.”,”

]]> Comment on A Stepmom’s Reflections on Mother’s Day by Blending Families http://stepmomsos.com/a-stepmoms-reflections-on-mothers-day/2010/05/comment-page-1/#comment-161 Blending Families Fri, 14 May 2010 22:51:51 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=422#comment-161 Time can only tell how all our sincere efforts are repaid back. I am touched to know that after all those years your step children finally got the core of everything that you have done. So in the end, you can say that indeed you have done a good job as a stepmum. Time can only tell how all our sincere efforts are repaid back. I am touched to know that after all those years your step children finally got the core of everything that you have done. So in the end, you can say that indeed you have done a good job as a stepmum.

]]> Comment on The Stepfamily by emt training http://stepmomsos.com/the-stepfamily-and-the-myths-surrounding-it/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-147 emt training Sat, 01 May 2010 04:54:28 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=140#comment-147 Terrific work! This is the type of information that should be shared around the web. Shame on the search engines for not positioning this post higher! Terrific work! This is the type of information that should be shared around the web. Shame on the search engines for not positioning this post higher!

]]> Comment on Your Ex-Husband’s Wife: The Stepmom by admin http://stepmomsos.com/your-ex-husbands-wife-the-stepmom/2010/04/comment-page-1/#comment-145 admin Thu, 29 Apr 2010 16:51:21 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=411#comment-145 Jesica, I hope it works out for you! Hopefully it can be given in such a way that she can't take it the wrong way... You're so right, it's the children who most suffer, and that's probably the best way "in" to improving communications as I'm sure she loves her children, and once she realizes the hurt she's causing... Watch for a free introduction to Creating a Successful Stepfamily soon - it will include a story from the mom's perspective on this. Jesica,
I hope it works out for you! Hopefully it can be given in such a way that she can’t take it the wrong way… You’re so right, it’s the children who most suffer, and that’s probably the best way “in” to improving communications as I’m sure she loves her children, and once she realizes the hurt she’s causing… Watch for a free introduction to Creating a Successful Stepfamily soon – it will include a story from the mom’s perspective on this.

]]> Comment on Your Ex-Husband’s Wife: The Stepmom by Jesica http://stepmomsos.com/your-ex-husbands-wife-the-stepmom/2010/04/comment-page-1/#comment-144 Jesica Thu, 29 Apr 2010 14:00:14 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=411#comment-144 I love this post. I am thinking about buying my self the book and buying the kids' mother the book for mothers day. i can only hope she wont throw it away without even thinking about the benefits it would have on both of us. I cant wait for the day that pettiness is out the door and happy living is in the air for the kids and us. I hate to see the kids suffering through all the parent alienation and verbal damage to thier mentality. Thankyou!!! I love this post. I am thinking about buying my self the book and buying the kids’ mother the book for mothers day. i can only hope she wont throw it away without even thinking about the benefits it would have on both of us. I cant wait for the day that pettiness is out the door and happy living is in the air for the kids and us. I hate to see the kids suffering through all the parent alienation and verbal damage to thier mentality. Thankyou!!!

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