Comments for stepmomsos.com http://stepmomsos.com Step By Step Family Success Tue, 01 May 2012 18:28:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 Comment on Your Husband’s Ex-Wife by Cathy http://stepmomsos.com/your-husbands-ex-wife-challenge-or-opportunity/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-5664 Cathy Tue, 01 May 2012 18:28:00 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=146#comment-5664 I am in a similar situation as Beth, My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 5 months. I have been in the childrens life for 2 years. The ex-wife has been terrible, just like Beth, she has told the children that I broke up their marriage and I did not even know either one of them when they divorced. She refuses to meet me and has told the children that I do not want to meet her. The children are girls, 12 & 13 years of age, they stay with us every other weekend and some during the week,she puts them off on us all the time, doesnt matter if we have plans or not she dont care as long as she is happy, she lies about where she is going, she partys all the time and normanlly I am the ones with the girls because my husband works long hours, when they are not with up they usually are alone because she is out drinking somewhere. I get along with them well, especially the 13 year old but the 12 year old is very loyal to her mother and believes what she says about both of us.I never say anything negative about their mother but she does me constantly. She gets a large amount of child support and is always wanting more money, I honestly think her goal is to financialy destroy us. She took the girls for braces, did not consult us before to let us know how much they would be. So we get a call from the Orthodontists to tell us how much we owe, I dont think that is right. He and I will do anything for the girls, and take care of their needs because the mother does not. The money is not spent on the girls but on herself, she tells the girls that their dad does not help her. My husband is very sweet and gives her what she wants to keep peace. I am frustrated because he will not stand up to her, we strugle with our bills because of her. I have talked to my husband about my concerns and he agrees but gives in anyway. I love him very much and we have a great relationship it just frustrates me and I dont know what to do. I am in a similar situation as Beth, My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 5 months. I have been in the childrens life for 2 years. The ex-wife has been terrible, just like Beth, she has told the children that I broke up their marriage and I did not even know either one of them when they divorced. She refuses to meet me and has told the children that I do not want to meet her. The children are girls, 12 & 13 years of age, they stay with us every other weekend and some during the week,she puts them off on us all the time, doesnt matter if we have plans or not she dont care as long as she is happy, she lies about where she is going, she partys all the time and normanlly I am the ones with the girls because my husband works long hours, when they are not with up they usually are alone because she is out drinking somewhere. I get along with them well, especially the 13 year old but the 12 year old is very loyal to her mother and believes what she says about both of us.I never say anything negative about their mother but she does me constantly. She gets a large amount of child support and is always wanting more money, I honestly think her goal is to financialy destroy us. She took the girls for braces, did not consult us before to let us know how much they would be. So we get a call from the Orthodontists to tell us how much we owe, I dont think that is right. He and I will do anything for the girls, and take care of their needs because the mother does not. The money is not spent on the girls but on herself, she tells the girls that their dad does not help her. My husband is very sweet and gives her what she wants to keep peace. I am frustrated because he will not stand up to her, we strugle with our bills because of her. I have talked to my husband about my concerns and he agrees but gives in anyway. I love him very much and we have a great relationship it just frustrates me and I dont know what to do.

]]> Comment on The Stepmom Stepdaughter Relationship by Coralee http://stepmomsos.com/the-stepmom-stepdaughter-relationship/2010/03/comment-page-1/#comment-5610 Coralee Fri, 27 Apr 2012 11:06:02 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=360#comment-5610 Tonight, I hate being a step mum. I have 3 step kids, 2 boys in addition to my own son and 1manipulative teenage girl whose own mum died 4 years ago today. she is lazy, caniving & a liar. My husband tries to be the best father he can be, but still doesn't see the games she is playing. He is wonderful supportive & understanding. I only wish that other people in our lives realized just what a difficult job being a "full time" stepmum is! Tonight, I hate being a step mum. I have 3 step kids, 2 boys in addition to my own son and 1manipulative teenage girl whose own mum died 4 years ago today. she is lazy, caniving & a liar. My husband tries to be the best father he can be, but still doesn’t see the games she is playing. He is wonderful supportive & understanding. I only wish that other people in our lives realized just what a difficult job being a “full time” stepmum is!

]]> Comment on The Stepmom Stepdaughter Relationship by DREda LADY http://stepmomsos.com/the-stepmom-stepdaughter-relationship/2010/03/comment-page-1/#comment-5580 DREda LADY Wed, 25 Apr 2012 14:02:39 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=360#comment-5580 thank you for this article. it really shed some light in the midst of challenges experienced in my family. I wish it could just be easy from the beginning of the relationship or during counseling for a proper foundation to be laid in terms of step parenting. This article has helped a lot as Im even thinking that my husband does not want to spoil his relationship with his daughter, and sometimes I see her manipulation. She cannot stand seeing us cuddling, at 19. Is this bad for me to expect this? I know she loves her father, but what about me, as a new wife? How do we build our relationship? thank you for this article. it really shed some light in the midst of challenges experienced in my family. I wish it could just be easy from the beginning of the relationship or during counseling for a proper foundation to be laid in terms of step parenting.

This article has helped a lot as Im even thinking that my husband does not want to spoil his relationship with his daughter, and sometimes I see her manipulation. She cannot stand seeing us cuddling, at 19. Is this bad for me to expect this? I know she loves her father, but what about me, as a new wife? How do we build our relationship?

]]> Comment on Is a Stepparent a Parent? by Hilda http://stepmomsos.com/is-a-stepparent-a-parent-2/2010/07/comment-page-1/#comment-5574 Hilda Wed, 25 Apr 2012 07:44:35 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=578#comment-5574 I have an amazing five year old step daughter, its hard to force myself to include the title step before I call her my daughter. I love her just as much as I love my biological Child, I have been part.of her life since she was one. She calls me mom and loves telling everyone she has two moms, when she is at our house she calls her bio mom by her name and calls me mom, and when she is at her moms she calls her mom and calls me by my name. Shes funny when her mom and I are both there she calls us both mom lol I love her she completes our family. The reason why she has such a close bond with me is because I have watchef her monday thru thursday since she was two. I am a preschool teacher and she has gone to my preschool.for a while. We have saved so much money that way since we didnt have to pay for daycare. Also my husband and her mom were never together or in any friendship or relationship it was a one night stand and its been very hard for both of them, specially for my husband he doesnt want anything to do with her. She is also older than him and a lot bigger too but she is a great mom and Ive always tried my best to get along with her for my daughter. I know that the more we get along the more Ill see my daughter. Right now we have her three days every week and our weekends are saturday to tuesday. We are hoping to get Thursday to Tuesday weekends when she starts school and every thursday night as well. We are moving closer to her other house in order to be able to pick her up and drop her off at school. Our daughter is also a great big sister to her six month old little brother. She loves him so much and she knows she came out of her moms tummy and he came out of my tummy but that doesnt make a difference to her. She is an Angel in our lives and we treasure every minute we get to spend with her. I have an amazing five year old step daughter, its hard to force myself to include the title step before I call her my daughter. I love her just as much as I love my biological Child, I have been part.of her life since she was one. She calls me mom and loves telling everyone she has two moms, when she is at our house she calls her bio mom by her name and calls me mom, and when she is at her moms she calls her mom and calls me by my name. Shes funny when her mom and I are both there she calls us both mom lol I love her she completes our family. The reason why she has such a close bond with me is because I have watchef her monday thru thursday since she was two. I am a preschool teacher and she has gone to my preschool.for a while. We have saved so much money that way since we didnt have to pay for daycare. Also my husband and her mom were never together or in any friendship or relationship it was a one night stand and its been very hard for both of them, specially for my husband he doesnt want anything to do with her. She is also older than him and a lot bigger too but she is a great mom and Ive always tried my best to get along with her for my daughter. I know that the more we get along the more Ill see my daughter. Right now we have her three days every week and our weekends are saturday to tuesday. We are hoping to get Thursday to Tuesday weekends when she starts school and every thursday night as well. We are moving closer to her other house in order to be able to pick her up and drop her off at school. Our daughter is also a great big sister to her six month old little brother. She loves him so much and she knows she came out of her moms tummy and he came out of my tummy but that doesnt make a difference to her. She is an Angel in our lives and we treasure every minute we get to spend with her.

]]> Comment on Your Husband’s Ex-Wife by So fed up http://stepmomsos.com/your-husbands-ex-wife-challenge-or-opportunity/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-5541 So fed up Mon, 23 Apr 2012 17:12:06 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=146#comment-5541 I am a soon to be step mom of 2 girls, 6 and 8. Their mother left them as babies to go get a husband she met online from another country. Popped back in their lives. They LOVE HER. She has been using their father since their divorce 5 years ago. I came into the picture about a year and a half ago and she has been nothing but nice to my face and terrible behind my back. To the point now, the kids hate me and said they don't want to be at the house as long as I'm around. We asked why and they wont' tell exactly what they hear any more but they say they hear "everything" is my fault. At first I was a gold digging little.. you know what. and I ruined her life but taking her money source. Then I took her only friend. Then her newest husband moved out (not divorced) and she had to find a new boyfriend. She tells the girls I don't allow their daddy to call her or talk to her even about them, that I don't allow him to buy them things. ( we just took them on a Caribbean vacation, and bought them new clothes which she takes "for school" and new yard toys.) and the youngest says when mommy and daddy fight she listens and it's always about me and if I weren't around mommy wouldn't be mad at me anymore. The oldest says she hates me because I make her brush her own hair, pick up her bed room and get a bath because she just stand in the shower and won't wash up (the youngest does all this on her own) so we have to be harder on the oldest. She's now writing it on paper that she hates me. I had a "big girl talk" with her and she said her mom still tells her stuff but won't say what... and that she tries to talk to her.. but when she mentions me she gets in trouble. Like little things if i buy a new purse or if I did my hair different, and she yells at her and says enough talking about her. I don't know what to do. WE tell her she is allowed to talk aobut anyone in our house, but she won't. Should I back off because no matter what ..... anything their mom says ..... goes. I am a soon to be step mom of 2 girls, 6 and 8. Their mother left them as babies to go get a husband she met online from another country. Popped back in their lives. They LOVE HER. She has been using their father since their divorce 5 years ago. I came into the picture about a year and a half ago and she has been nothing but nice to my face and terrible behind my back. To the point now, the kids hate me and said they don’t want to be at the house as long as I’m around. We asked why and they wont’ tell exactly what they hear any more but they say they hear “everything” is my fault.
At first I was a gold digging little.. you know what. and I ruined her life but taking her money source. Then I took her only friend. Then her newest husband moved out (not divorced) and she had to find a new boyfriend. She tells the girls I don’t allow their daddy to call her or talk to her even about them, that I don’t allow him to buy them things. ( we just took them on a Caribbean vacation, and bought them new clothes which she takes “for school” and new yard toys.) and the youngest says when mommy and daddy fight she listens and it’s always about me and if I weren’t around mommy wouldn’t be mad at me anymore. The oldest says she hates me because I make her brush her own hair, pick up her bed room and get a bath because she just stand in the shower and won’t wash up (the youngest does all this on her own) so we have to be harder on the oldest. She’s now writing it on paper that she hates me. I had a “big girl talk” with her and she said her mom still tells her stuff but won’t say what… and that she tries to talk to her.. but when she mentions me she gets in trouble. Like little things if i buy a new purse or if I did my hair different, and she yells at her and says enough talking about her. I don’t know what to do. WE tell her she is allowed to talk aobut anyone in our house, but she won’t. Should I back off because no matter what ….. anything their mom says ….. goes.

]]> Comment on Badmouthing – and What to Do About It by So fed up http://stepmomsos.com/badmouthing-and-what-to-do-about-it/2010/07/comment-page-1/#comment-5540 So fed up Mon, 23 Apr 2012 16:11:26 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=568#comment-5540 I am getting this and have been getting this "Badmouthing" from my now fiance's ex-wife since we started dating. In the beginning (it's been about a year and a half now), the kids loved me (they are 6 and 8), now they are taking everything she says to heart and HATE me. They actually write it down on paper now, back talk to me, and tell us they hate coming to our house because I'm there. We've stepped up discipline for them, but in such a different way, but they hate me for it. For example, at their mom's, if they act out or misbehave they get their butt smacked and time out. At our house, we've created a check mark system. After 3 check marks they lose either a favorite toy or snack time... or if it's really bad they lose the activity we have planned for the day. They actually have told us they hate the check marks worse and hate me for making them take baths right, pick up their rooms, and the check mark system. The 6 year old said she doesn't want me around anymore because when mommy and daddy fight it's always about me not matter what it is mommy hates me. And I try to explain to her that they aren't fighting about me, buts he says after her dad leaves she still bad mouthes me and says that I make him do these things to her. She left him 5 years before I came along and was already re-married for 4 years. She just lost that husband because he was using her for a green card, and now already has a new boyfriend and he's already living with her and the kids. She has blamed her latest relationship fail on me and my fiance because she said I don't allow them to be friends and it stressed her out. I try to do everything for the kids, we don't bad mouth we try to explain mommy is going through hard times and needs both kids to be good for her. And I always help them do project and crafts for her call her when they need to.... But I'm always the bad person and she told the kids I'm a gold digger and only want daddy for his money. I don't know how to win these kids back. They want nothing to do with me. I am getting this and have been getting this “Badmouthing” from my now fiance’s ex-wife since we started dating. In the beginning (it’s been about a year and a half now), the kids loved me (they are 6 and 8), now they are taking everything she says to heart and HATE me. They actually write it down on paper now, back talk to me, and tell us they hate coming to our house because I’m there. We’ve stepped up discipline for them, but in such a different way, but they hate me for it. For example, at their mom’s, if they act out or misbehave they get their butt smacked and time out. At our house, we’ve created a check mark system. After 3 check marks they lose either a favorite toy or snack time… or if it’s really bad they lose the activity we have planned for the day. They actually have told us they hate the check marks worse and hate me for making them take baths right, pick up their rooms, and the check mark system. The 6 year old said she doesn’t want me around anymore because when mommy and daddy fight it’s always about me not matter what it is mommy hates me. And I try to explain to her that they aren’t fighting about me, buts he says after her dad leaves she still bad mouthes me and says that I make him do these things to her. She left him 5 years before I came along and was already re-married for 4 years. She just lost that husband because he was using her for a green card, and now already has a new boyfriend and he’s already living with her and the kids. She has blamed her latest relationship fail on me and my fiance because she said I don’t allow them to be friends and it stressed her out. I try to do everything for the kids, we don’t bad mouth we try to explain mommy is going through hard times and needs both kids to be good for her. And I always help them do project and crafts for her call her when they need to…. But I’m always the bad person and she told the kids I’m a gold digger and only want daddy for his money. I don’t know how to win these kids back. They want nothing to do with me.

]]> Comment on The Stepmom Stepdaughter Relationship by going crazy step mom http://stepmomsos.com/the-stepmom-stepdaughter-relationship/2010/03/comment-page-1/#comment-5537 going crazy step mom Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:29:50 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=360#comment-5537 I don't know what to do anymore I have a 16 year old stepdaughter and going crazy I have been married a little over a year and 6months into our marriage stepdaughter's mom didn't want her anymore cause she was acting out and running away so we got her I have been trying to make it work with her for 10 months now but she is rude don't listen to me unless her dad is around and will not help around house her room is a mess and it smells me and my husband have a 3 month old and I wont let her hold her or anything cause since I was pregnant she would refer to my baby as her baby me and my husband fight a lot and we used to never fight until she came along I am about to have a nervous breakdown I love my husband to death I just don't know how to deal with his daughter oh yeah and he is not even on her birth certificate some other guy is and they never got a Dna test done so why cant the guy on it take her I just don't know what to do I am about to go crazy she walks around the house like she is gods gift to the world help me before someone gets hurt or I go insane I don’t know what to do anymore I have a 16 year old stepdaughter and going crazy I have been married a little over a year and 6months into our marriage stepdaughter’s mom didn’t want her anymore cause she was acting out and running away so we got her I have been trying to make it work with her for 10 months now but she is rude don’t listen to me unless her dad is around and will not help around house her room is a mess and it smells me and my husband have a 3 month old and I wont let her hold her or anything cause since I was pregnant she would refer to my baby as her baby me and my husband fight a lot and we used to never fight until she came along I am about to have a nervous breakdown I love my husband to death I just don’t know how to deal with his daughter oh yeah and he is not even on her birth certificate some other guy is and they never got a Dna test done so why cant the guy on it take her I just don’t know what to do I am about to go crazy she walks around the house like she is gods gift to the world help me before someone gets hurt or I go insane

]]> Comment on Your Husband’s Ex-Wife by Melanie http://stepmomsos.com/your-husbands-ex-wife-challenge-or-opportunity/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-5511 Melanie Fri, 20 Apr 2012 18:47:22 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=146#comment-5511 My husband & i have been together for 5 years, married for 1 and have an 11 month old together. My husband's ex is BIPOLAR. Their marriage ended because she was always unhappy with all aspects of her life, nothing he would do for her would make her change that long face he would have to wake up to EVERYDAY and of course... no sex at all! She has always been jealous of the things her friends had, of course she's always been jealous of me, my car, my house, my relationship with her ex husband and with her daughter, jealous of my skills just because i do know how to do my own hair and nails and i care a little bit about my appearance and in the other hand, she always looks like the maid; she always talks Sh*t to my stepdaughter about me trying to make me look bad, but the kid knows better so she doesn't pay attention to her psycho mother in fact she defends me, which pisses her off even MORE. Anyway, what infuriates me the most is that whenever her only brain cell is having a depressive day, she uses the child as a weapon and forbids her to see her father or come to our house. My husband pays child support little by little as we are not rich, some months he pays less but makes up by paying more than settled by the court the next time around, so she always threatens him to take him to court with the receipts of the months that he pays less on. Also, we are leaving the country in a few months so she also threatens him saying that she will not let "her" daughter visit us. Whenever is convenient she's "HER" daughter but for child support, she's "HIS" daughter of course... the thing is, CRAZY BITCH keeps hurting her own daughter trying to hurt my husband and then wants to make everything look like it is my fault!! now she said the kid will not come to our house anymore because I AM mentally unstable!! are you kidding me??? I AM? i'm not the one making my child pay for my mistakes & mental illnes! *ugghhh* so now my husband cannot have his daughter home for the remaining months that we're gonna be here because of her sick mother's faul. I'm done venting. My husband & i have been together for 5 years, married for 1 and have an 11 month old together. My husband’s ex is BIPOLAR. Their marriage ended because she was always unhappy with all aspects of her life, nothing he would do for her would make her change that long face he would have to wake up to EVERYDAY and of course… no sex at all! She has always been jealous of the things her friends had, of course she’s always been jealous of me, my car, my house, my relationship with her ex husband and with her daughter, jealous of my skills just because i do know how to do my own hair and nails and i care a little bit about my appearance and in the other hand, she always looks like the maid; she always talks Sh*t to my stepdaughter about me trying to make me look bad, but the kid knows better so she doesn’t pay attention to her psycho mother in fact she defends me, which pisses her off even MORE. Anyway, what infuriates me the most is that whenever her only brain cell is having a depressive day, she uses the child as a weapon and forbids her to see her father or come to our house. My husband pays child support little by little as we are not rich, some months he pays less but makes up by paying more than settled by the court the next time around, so she always threatens him to take him to court with the receipts of the months that he pays less on. Also, we are leaving the country in a few months so she also threatens him saying that she will not let “her” daughter visit us. Whenever is convenient she’s “HER” daughter but for child support, she’s “HIS” daughter of course… the thing is, CRAZY BITCH keeps hurting her own daughter trying to hurt my husband and then wants to make everything look like it is my fault!! now she said the kid will not come to our house anymore because I AM mentally unstable!! are you kidding me??? I AM? i’m not the one making my child pay for my mistakes & mental illnes! *ugghhh* so now my husband cannot have his daughter home for the remaining months that we’re gonna be here because of her sick mother’s faul.
I’m done venting.

]]> Comment on On Being a Stepmom by Kayla http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-5492 Kayla Thu, 19 Apr 2012 03:00:24 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-5492 Shelly I am in you exact shoes! It is so hard!! My boyfriends childern are 4 and 6. They are great kids but their mother acts as if she doesnt care about them at all! and to top it off she tells them not to listen to me, basically that i am a bad person and dont bother talking to me. Sometimes I am hard on them but they are bad listeners . they dont listen to their father. I have a great relationship with him but i hope this doesnt tear us apart. Their mother is getting in the way! SHe is a crazy B*tch. SHe will lie all the time about where she is going or when she will be picking up the kids and ends up she is out drinking all the time! I am not sure what to do. I know im not there mother but they need a good role model in their lives. what do you do? Shelly I am in you exact shoes! It is so hard!! My boyfriends childern are 4 and 6. They are great kids but their mother acts as if she doesnt care about them at all! and to top it off she tells them not to listen to me, basically that i am a bad person and dont bother talking to me. Sometimes I am hard on them but they are bad listeners . they dont listen to their father. I have a great relationship with him but i hope this doesnt tear us apart. Their mother is getting in the way! SHe is a crazy B*tch. SHe will lie all the time about where she is going or when she will be picking up the kids and ends up she is out drinking all the time! I am not sure what to do. I know im not there mother but they need a good role model in their lives. what do you do?

]]> Comment on On Being a Stepmom by Lisa http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-5476 Lisa Tue, 17 Apr 2012 16:17:57 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-5476 It's amazing how you can feel alone in your struggles then you find this site and WOW - not alone. I am a step mom to a girl and boy for 7 years now. Started out well but honestly the children were not the issue it was the mother. Her relationship with my husband has gotten worse over the years making it hard for the kids. I haven't been perfect but I have always encouraged honestly even if we don't want to hear it. Like the author said, I threw myself into the roll of doing everything for those kids, was supportive of their mother but when the kids run to their mom and say dad won't get me a haircut or buy me a phone she does it then tells my husband he is unreasonable. Her house has no rules, our does but always with conversation. Two years ago his daughter went to live with her mom and now his son has done the same. Husband is devastated. Honestly I feel relief, I feel that my husband and I can get on with our lives and what I mean by that is the ex's intervention is over. He can be the fun dad and she and her husband can be the parents which is what she has wanted all the entire time. I really understand what Shelly is going through. Parents need to put there crap aside and be the parents to their children regardless. Thanks It’s amazing how you can feel alone in your struggles then you find this site and WOW – not alone.
I am a step mom to a girl and boy for 7 years now. Started out well but honestly the children were not the issue it was the mother. Her relationship with my husband has gotten worse over the years making it hard for the kids. I haven’t been perfect but I have always encouraged honestly even if we don’t want to hear it. Like the author said, I threw myself into the roll of doing everything for those kids, was supportive of their mother but when the kids run to their mom and say dad won’t get me a haircut or buy me a phone she does it then tells my husband he is unreasonable. Her house has no rules, our does but always with conversation. Two years ago his daughter went to live with her mom and now his son has done the same. Husband is devastated. Honestly I feel relief, I feel that my husband and I can get on with our lives and what I mean by that is the ex’s intervention is over. He can be the fun dad and she and her husband can be the parents which is what she has wanted all the entire time. I really understand what Shelly is going through. Parents need to put there crap aside and be the parents to their children regardless. Thanks

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