Comments for stepmomsos.com

Comment on Is a Stepparent a Parent? by jennifer

jennifer — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 03:28:07 +0000

My dad has been married to his wife for almost 20 years and I don’t consider her a parent. She thinks she is, but you can’t force someone to view you as a parent. I believe seeing a stepparent as a “parent” is a wonderful thing if the stepchild sees you in that light. In my case there are many factors of why i don’t see her as a parent.

1) I was 12 and in middle school when she came along
2) i was at my dad’s only 4 days a month
3) my dad was not an involved father. he did his weekend visits and then he was done with parenting
4) my mom was who i lived with the majority of the time
5) she badmouthed my mother
6) she excluded me from family vacations, and other events

Because of all those factors it would be near impossible to view her as a “parent”. she is my father’s wife.

Comment on The Stepmom Stepdaughter Relationship by online dating sites free

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Comment on On Being a Stepmom by Gem

Gem — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 14:00:19 +0000

It is hard being a parent, step or otherwise.All parents feel unloved and unnapreciated. The difference is that when you are a step-parent, you will ALWAYS feel like an outsider, because you are!FACT. This is normal. If you feel you cannot cope with feeling like you don’t belong and cannot put the long term needs of the children first then it’s ok, you are not a failure you just have other priorities.Damage limitation is then the key, don’t string it out just make the break clean for all concerned. BUT please try to find a way of living that limits these feelings as they are the one sure way of guaranteeing that the children will never bond with you.Love them and nurture them and they WILL respond, eventually.You are not blood but you are a family and these days more than 50% of blood families are split, so, it’s not a secret club, it’s not a code that you will never have, it’s just real life and every single experience is different.Don’t let resentment creep in,TALK TALK TALK then… Do what feels right,true and honest.

Comment on Your Ex-Husband’s Wife: The Stepmom by pixie

pixie — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 11:40:17 +0000

I just read I Hate His/Her Ex by Alex Cooper. You can get it on Amazon or other bookstores. It helped me to deal with so many issues that I had with my fiance’s ex – who I really hated!! Now, my relationship is perfect xxx

Comment on Your Husband’s Ex-Wife by Debbie

Debbie — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 19:52:10 +0000

@ Christina who says all exs are just old, fat and jealous, my exs new wife is older than me. Her oldest kid is about five years younger than than her now husband. As far as looks go, lets just say she is not attrative, and that is not just me saying so, everyone who has seen her tells me they don’t know what he was thinking. And it wasn’t her personality, anyone who has been around her tells me she doesn’t have one of those either.

Comment on Your Husband’s Ex-Wife by Debbie

Debbie — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 19:37:02 +0000

Being an “ex” wife I would like to comment from my point. I personally appreciated what Sarah and Patti had to say. It is not all a bed of roses from the “exs” side either. All I can say is I am very glad my children were grown (21 and 18 at the time) when all this went down and were old enough to draw their on conclusions and not have people like some of the people commenting here telling them how they should feel about the situation. We were married 25-years when my ex told me he wanted a divorce (this was thirteen days after being a pall-bearer at my sisters funeral who had just lost a fight with cancer after 2 years and 8 months). He told me there wasn’t anyone else he just wasn’t happy with me and like an idiot I believed that until our daughter and I ran into him and his no one at a Wal-Mart. I then found out that my in-laws of 25-years (people I loved and thought loved me) not only knew he was seeing someone, they had already gone out to lunch with him to meet her. I asked him did you ever think about your children and how they would feel about you seeing someone while we were still married? (He had met her at a bar one of the times I was out of State helping to take care of my dying sister). He said, yes, they had discussed it. I said, yes, and evidently niether one of you gave a rat’s a** about them or their feelings. (Both of them had told me if he had handled it differently they would have felt differently about him and her, that if he had divorced me first and then met someone it would have been totally different, they wouldn’t have liked to see me hurt, but they couldn’t have blamed her and would have even went to the wedding, which was three months after our divorce was final). And as for all the stepmoms just wanting to help, not all of them, some of them just want to take over, act like they are the mother and you never existed. When our son was getting married she tried to take the whole thing over until my (now) daughter-in-law finally had to tell her to just back off, it was her wedding and she was going to do it the way she wanted to it. And then all the lovely notes and letters she sent to me after they were first married, telling me how she was praying for me. Seriously, you were sleeping with my husband, helped (I said help because she didn’t do it all alone he and I were involved) break up my marriage, and then you have the nerve to tell me you are praying for me. So all you new wives out there can tell me what a wonderful person she is (why she is even praying for me), you are entitled to your opinion, she wasn’t sleeping with your husband, so I’m entitled to mine. In a three month period I lost my sister of 45-years, my husband of 25-years, my in-laws of 25-years, and my home of 25-years (we were living on property that had been in his family for 100 years).

@ Sarah, thank you for standing up for the ex-wives.
@ Patti, I appreicate your comments about the “bm”, because I am not a “bm” I’m their mom, period.
@ Kevin you may not like having your ex-wife around and think your children are being disrespectful of you, but you are wrong, she is your ex-wife, but she is not their ex-mother. My children have told me if I’m not welcome with his family then they aren’t because they are part of me too, and if I’m not family then they aren’t family. Try looking at it from their side, you divorced their mom, they didn’t.

Comment on The Stepmom Stepdaughter Relationship by experienced, unfortunately

experienced, unfortunately — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 08:35:36 +0000

I am a stepmother of 28 years. My husband has two grown children…I get along fine with my stepson, but have had to give up on my stepdaughter. I tried so hard. It has been heartbreaking, but I have found I can still be happy.

Comment on Stepfathers and Stepsons – Making it Work by Noel

Noel — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 08:51:30 +0000

I stumbled upon your sight while looking up ways to help my son and fiance bond. My son is only 6 years old and my fiance has been a permanent fixture in his life for the past year. My son has no contact with his biological father whatsoever and has a lot more memories of him than I’d earlier realized, some of them “good”, most of them traumatic (rendering all of them confusing). My fiance and I both come from dysfunctional homes (mine more so than his) but have both worked out most of our demons and baggage from childhood both before our relationship and during and now are working on ways to adjust to our new lives together. My daughter and fiance have bonded like bandits, if it wasn’t apparent via ethnicity (my children are half black, my fiance and I are not at all) that she is not his biological daughter when the four of us are together, you’d think she was. She is the type that commands attention, and has been demanding his since the day she deemed him “safe”. He and my son, however, both have reserved, introverted personalities and have gone about getting to know one another very slowly. I know my son has a lot of self esteem issues, my daughter doesn’t remember their dad but he does and suffers from feelings of abandonment. From our private conversations he has admitted to wanting his step dad to pay more attention to him, but is too shy to ask for it. I have mentioned as much to my fiance, but don’t want to put too much pressure on the situation. He doesn’t understand my son like I do (yet) and doesn’t realize how badly my son wants his approval/love, and how much it affects him. My fiance does not have a great relationship with his father, not that there is any hostility or anything, his father just never paid any real attention to him as a kid. He was always physically present, but emotionally absent..From what I have seen, my fiance makes a whole heck of a lot more effort to be there for my son emotionally than his dad was for him, which I assume he believes is enough. I don’t know what to do, I have been waiting patiently for their bond to unfold, but I feel like it isn’t progressing enough.

Comment on On Being a Stepmom by Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 18:06:38 +0000

I’m sorry to have to say this, but looking back, if I could see the future as it is now, I dont think I could do it again. I love my husband with all my heart, but I did not think it would get WORSE as the years past. My step-daughter was 5 1/2 when my husband and I met, and now shes about to turn 15 and it is HORRIBLE. I’m pulling my hair out here. I’d consider EVERYTHING before you make a life-long decision.

Comment on The Stepmom Stepdaughter Relationship by Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:51:01 +0000

I know how you all feel! I have been with my husband for almost 10 years now! He has a daughter who was 5 1/2 when we met, and was so damaged then by a drug/alchohol addicted mother who abused her. My step daughter was sassy and rude then, and my husband promised me it would get better- that she needed time. She is about to turn 15 and it has only gotten worse. She is the most self-centered, sassy, pessimistic person I’ve ever known. We have beent he best parents that we could be for her, and she treats us like crap and then goes to her mother and grandparents and talks trash about us. If she doesnt get her way, she makes our lived miserable- especially mine cause I’m at at-home mom and he goes to work. She doesnt listen, she doesnt do any chores, and when she is asked to all she does is complain and whine. Her real mother abused her from when she was 2 all the way to 12 (it was a long court battle but we finally got her out of there). Her loyalty to her crazy mother is so strong, but she defects how her mother is on us and she takes out all of her anger towards her mother, on me. My husband and I have two children together now (6 1/2 and 3)and I have always treated ALL THREE of them the same. My step daughter treats our 6 year old daughter like crap, barely acknowledges shes here, and then babies our 3 year old son, showing him so much love and kisses, but then turns on all of us. She is making me absolutely miserable. I hate my life with her in it, but I dont want to leave my husband. She has no respect for me, and little for anyone else in her life. Words can not express how crappy I feel because of her. I even had to start taking anti-anxiety meds because of her. I just cant deal with her any longer. What am I supposed to do???
HELP!