Comments on: On Being a Stepmom

By: Gem

Gem — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 14:00:19 +0000

It is hard being a parent, step or otherwise.All parents feel unloved and unnapreciated. The difference is that when you are a step-parent, you will ALWAYS feel like an outsider, because you are!FACT. This is normal. If you feel you cannot cope with feeling like you don’t belong and cannot put the long term needs of the children first then it’s ok, you are not a failure you just have other priorities.Damage limitation is then the key, don’t string it out just make the break clean for all concerned. BUT please try to find a way of living that limits these feelings as they are the one sure way of guaranteeing that the children will never bond with you.Love them and nurture them and they WILL respond, eventually.You are not blood but you are a family and these days more than 50% of blood families are split, so, it’s not a secret club, it’s not a code that you will never have, it’s just real life and every single experience is different.Don’t let resentment creep in,TALK TALK TALK then… Do what feels right,true and honest.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 18:06:38 +0000

I’m sorry to have to say this, but looking back, if I could see the future as it is now, I dont think I could do it again. I love my husband with all my heart, but I did not think it would get WORSE as the years past. My step-daughter was 5 1/2 when my husband and I met, and now shes about to turn 15 and it is HORRIBLE. I’m pulling my hair out here. I’d consider EVERYTHING before you make a life-long decision.

By: adel

adel — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 14:01:19 +0000

i really am scared stiff of becoming a stepmom, which will be soon! i don’t know the first thing to do. i am good with kids but doubts regarding my handling with my soon-to-be stepkids are killing me? what if they’ll hate me? what if their mom would make daily appearances? i could just pull my hair out. the kids are young, ages 3 and 4, would they respond to me like usual kids do? i really am floundering in here!

By: Kim

Kim — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 19:04:55 +0000

Good advice! I struggle to find info where a woman without children of her own has joined a ready-made family. I am 29 and became a sep-Mom to 3 young kids last year. I don’t have children of my own and am not going to have. I am happpy but it has been an immense challenge. I started off by quitting my job and looking after them full-time but after 8 months their Mom had got her act together and took them back. I’m doing the best I can but I read and take all the advice I can get too.
I have been lucky enough to marry the most amazing man who doesn’t think that his kids are perfect and we have a great relationship and I can talk to him about anything to do with the kids.

By: Jennifer J

Jennifer J — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 05:37:47 +0000

Thank-you. I am struggling with this and your article helped me. I appreciate it.

By: admin

admin — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 18:07:07 +0000

Well said! It’s a good idea for stepmoms to “give themselves a break” and not expect themselves to have identical love for their stepchildren as they do for their own. It may gradually develop, but it will never be the same. If you are expected to take over the parental responsibilities for the parents, then perhaps it’s time for a conversation to put up some boundaries. You might really benefit from The Stepfamily Success Course. Get the Intro class for free, and if it’s helpful, sign up for the class. It covers all the major issues that stepmoms commonly face, and gives excellent support and advice to deal with them. All the best to you!