Comments on: On Being a Stepmom http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/ Step By Step Family Success Tue, 01 May 2012 18:28:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Kayla http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-5492 Kayla Thu, 19 Apr 2012 03:00:24 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-5492 Shelly I am in you exact shoes! It is so hard!! My boyfriends childern are 4 and 6. They are great kids but their mother acts as if she doesnt care about them at all! and to top it off she tells them not to listen to me, basically that i am a bad person and dont bother talking to me. Sometimes I am hard on them but they are bad listeners . they dont listen to their father. I have a great relationship with him but i hope this doesnt tear us apart. Their mother is getting in the way! SHe is a crazy B*tch. SHe will lie all the time about where she is going or when she will be picking up the kids and ends up she is out drinking all the time! I am not sure what to do. I know im not there mother but they need a good role model in their lives. what do you do? Shelly I am in you exact shoes! It is so hard!! My boyfriends childern are 4 and 6. They are great kids but their mother acts as if she doesnt care about them at all! and to top it off she tells them not to listen to me, basically that i am a bad person and dont bother talking to me. Sometimes I am hard on them but they are bad listeners . they dont listen to their father. I have a great relationship with him but i hope this doesnt tear us apart. Their mother is getting in the way! SHe is a crazy B*tch. SHe will lie all the time about where she is going or when she will be picking up the kids and ends up she is out drinking all the time! I am not sure what to do. I know im not there mother but they need a good role model in their lives. what do you do?

]]> By: Lisa http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-5476 Lisa Tue, 17 Apr 2012 16:17:57 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-5476 It's amazing how you can feel alone in your struggles then you find this site and WOW - not alone. I am a step mom to a girl and boy for 7 years now. Started out well but honestly the children were not the issue it was the mother. Her relationship with my husband has gotten worse over the years making it hard for the kids. I haven't been perfect but I have always encouraged honestly even if we don't want to hear it. Like the author said, I threw myself into the roll of doing everything for those kids, was supportive of their mother but when the kids run to their mom and say dad won't get me a haircut or buy me a phone she does it then tells my husband he is unreasonable. Her house has no rules, our does but always with conversation. Two years ago his daughter went to live with her mom and now his son has done the same. Husband is devastated. Honestly I feel relief, I feel that my husband and I can get on with our lives and what I mean by that is the ex's intervention is over. He can be the fun dad and she and her husband can be the parents which is what she has wanted all the entire time. I really understand what Shelly is going through. Parents need to put there crap aside and be the parents to their children regardless. Thanks It’s amazing how you can feel alone in your struggles then you find this site and WOW – not alone.
I am a step mom to a girl and boy for 7 years now. Started out well but honestly the children were not the issue it was the mother. Her relationship with my husband has gotten worse over the years making it hard for the kids. I haven’t been perfect but I have always encouraged honestly even if we don’t want to hear it. Like the author said, I threw myself into the roll of doing everything for those kids, was supportive of their mother but when the kids run to their mom and say dad won’t get me a haircut or buy me a phone she does it then tells my husband he is unreasonable. Her house has no rules, our does but always with conversation. Two years ago his daughter went to live with her mom and now his son has done the same. Husband is devastated. Honestly I feel relief, I feel that my husband and I can get on with our lives and what I mean by that is the ex’s intervention is over. He can be the fun dad and she and her husband can be the parents which is what she has wanted all the entire time. I really understand what Shelly is going through. Parents need to put there crap aside and be the parents to their children regardless. Thanks

]]> By: Jen http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-5369 Jen Sat, 07 Apr 2012 05:44:08 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-5369 Thank you for the suggestions...I am very much struggling. Thank you for the suggestions…I am very much struggling.

]]> By: Shelly http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-4901 Shelly Thu, 23 Feb 2012 17:11:43 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-4901 Hello, I have never been a step parent until about 2 1/2 yrs ago. I have been finding it very hard being in this position. My step childrens mother has made it very very hard on not only me but her own children. Telling them how to act and she doesn't even have them full time. Just on the weekends as a PT parent. Is there anything else that can help me along my journey to help with the lying, doing things out of spite, ignoring, and so on and so fourth. Keep in mind they are only 5 and 6 and i would expect this kind of behavior out of older children around 10 or so but idk. HELP i feel like i am drowning. I do everything for them, i'm there for every school party, event, everything at home. I don't work so i have nothing else better to do i'm not complaining about that. I'm looking for suggestions on how to change their behavior in the house to make things easier for them and myself. I have so much frustration built up towards their mother is it unreal. I have no way or idea to focus it on something else instead of keeping it built up inside. b/f wont talk to her b/c he said it will do no good she will just do what she wants when she wants to do it. Thanks for listening and opent to ANY suggestions. Hello, I have never been a step parent until about 2 1/2 yrs ago. I have been finding it very hard being in this position. My step childrens mother has made it very very hard on not only me but her own children. Telling them how to act and she doesn’t even have them full time. Just on the weekends as a PT parent. Is there anything else that can help me along my journey to help with the lying, doing things out of spite, ignoring, and so on and so fourth. Keep in mind they are only 5 and 6 and i would expect this kind of behavior out of older children around 10 or so but idk. HELP i feel like i am drowning. I do everything for them, i’m there for every school party, event, everything at home. I don’t work so i have nothing else better to do i’m not complaining about that. I’m looking for suggestions on how to change their behavior in the house to make things easier for them and myself. I have so much frustration built up towards their mother is it unreal. I have no way or idea to focus it on something else instead of keeping it built up inside. b/f wont talk to her b/c he said it will do no good she will just do what she wants when she wants to do it. Thanks for listening and opent to ANY suggestions.

]]> By: Julie K. http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-4867 Julie K. Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:58:13 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-4867 Well I have a doozie of a situation and probably alot of stepmoms deal with the same issue as me. In my situation, I have been raising my stepchildren for ll.5 years and the mother only wants her children after her dates, only if she is feeling well, and if it doesn’t affect her life in any way as far as her free time goes…..which she seems to need every week. I have raised these children, put them first before me, have made sure they did well in their grades, and have done everything for them for them including guided them down the right path so that one day they can be successful adults who can take care of themselves. Meanwhile the children (SS 20 yo, SD 15 yo), well the SD wants nothing to do with her mom if she can help it and the SS is starting out in the working world trying to become the responsible adult he can. I call the bio-mom our 55 yo daughter because she hasn’t or refuses to grow up. Her first on an even balance as her men, then her children next if it doesn’t interfere with her schedule or her life. I have had enough of her irresponsibility to the point that I have already ended up in the hospital for a stress related heart attack due the accumulation of the bio-mom putting 100% of her responsibilities on me for 11 years. These are her children and she refuses to be the normal mother to them. I’m at my the end of my rope and not sure what to do. I have been told by some close friends that they aren’t my children and that the responbility should be put on her. I have become older, wrinkles, tired, worn out,in the last few years and used to look beautiful and used to be a teen model and the stress put upon my shoulders by a bio-mom is taking its toll on me emotionally as well as physically. It’s like her saying to me…”I’m the bio-mom and you are obligated for every whim and responsibility I have and you will take care of my children.” I love these children and I have taken total responsiblity of them and their needs but the situation has become unhealthy for me to the point of feeling severely being taken advantage of by her. My SD wants nothing to do with her bio-mom. She says she hates her and does not like her and she refuses to visit or call her mom because of her mother’s alienation from her daughter. I don’t know what to do. I feel lost like I have no where to turn to anyone to talk to. That is why I am asking for advice here. Please help. Well I have a doozie of a situation and probably alot of stepmoms deal with the same issue as me. In my situation, I have been raising my stepchildren for ll.5 years and the mother only wants her children after her dates, only if she is feeling well, and if it doesn’t affect her life in any way as far as her free time goes…..which she seems to need every week. I have raised these children, put them first before me, have made sure they did well in their grades, and have done everything for them for them including guided them down the right path so that one day they can be successful adults who can take care of themselves. Meanwhile the children (SS 20 yo, SD 15 yo), well the SD wants nothing to do with her mom if she can help it and the SS is starting out in the working world trying to become the responsible adult he can. I call the bio-mom our 55 yo daughter because she hasn’t or refuses to grow up. Her first on an even balance as her men, then her children next if it doesn’t interfere with her schedule or her life. I have had enough of her irresponsibility to the point that I have already ended up in the hospital for a stress related heart attack due the accumulation of the bio-mom putting 100% of her responsibilities on me for 11 years. These are her children and she refuses to be the normal mother to them.

I’m at my the end of my rope and not sure what to do. I have been told by some close friends that they aren’t my children and that the responbility should be put on her. I have become older, wrinkles, tired, worn out,in the last few years and used to look beautiful and used to be a teen model and the stress put upon my shoulders by a bio-mom is taking its toll on me emotionally as well as physically. It’s like her saying to me…”I’m the bio-mom and you are obligated for every whim and responsibility I have and you will take care of my children.”

I love these children and I have taken total responsiblity of them and their needs but the situation has become unhealthy for me to the point of feeling severely being taken advantage of by her. My SD wants nothing to do with her bio-mom. She says she hates her and does not like her and she refuses to visit or call her mom because of her mother’s alienation from her daughter.

I don’t know what to do. I feel lost like I have no where to turn to anyone to talk to. That is why I am asking for advice here.

Please help.

]]> By: Gem http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-4646 Gem Sun, 08 Jan 2012 14:00:19 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-4646 It is hard being a parent, step or otherwise.All parents feel unloved and unnapreciated. The difference is that when you are a step-parent, you will ALWAYS feel like an outsider, because you are!FACT. This is normal. If you feel you cannot cope with feeling like you don't belong and cannot put the long term needs of the children first then it's ok, you are not a failure you just have other priorities.Damage limitation is then the key, don't string it out just make the break clean for all concerned. BUT please try to find a way of living that limits these feelings as they are the one sure way of guaranteeing that the children will never bond with you.Love them and nurture them and they WILL respond, eventually.You are not blood but you are a family and these days more than 50% of blood families are split, so, it's not a secret club, it's not a code that you will never have, it's just real life and every single experience is different.Don't let resentment creep in,TALK TALK TALK then... Do what feels right,true and honest. It is hard being a parent, step or otherwise.All parents feel unloved and unnapreciated. The difference is that when you are a step-parent, you will ALWAYS feel like an outsider, because you are!FACT. This is normal. If you feel you cannot cope with feeling like you don’t belong and cannot put the long term needs of the children first then it’s ok, you are not a failure you just have other priorities.Damage limitation is then the key, don’t string it out just make the break clean for all concerned. BUT please try to find a way of living that limits these feelings as they are the one sure way of guaranteeing that the children will never bond with you.Love them and nurture them and they WILL respond, eventually.You are not blood but you are a family and these days more than 50% of blood families are split, so, it’s not a secret club, it’s not a code that you will never have, it’s just real life and every single experience is different.Don’t let resentment creep in,TALK TALK TALK then… Do what feels right,true and honest.

]]> By: Lisa http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-4018 Lisa Wed, 30 Nov 2011 18:06:38 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-4018 I'm sorry to have to say this, but looking back, if I could see the future as it is now, I dont think I could do it again. I love my husband with all my heart, but I did not think it would get WORSE as the years past. My step-daughter was 5 1/2 when my husband and I met, and now shes about to turn 15 and it is HORRIBLE. I'm pulling my hair out here. I'd consider EVERYTHING before you make a life-long decision. I’m sorry to have to say this, but looking back, if I could see the future as it is now, I dont think I could do it again. I love my husband with all my heart, but I did not think it would get WORSE as the years past. My step-daughter was 5 1/2 when my husband and I met, and now shes about to turn 15 and it is HORRIBLE. I’m pulling my hair out here. I’d consider EVERYTHING before you make a life-long decision.

]]> By: adel http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-3785 adel Sat, 19 Nov 2011 14:01:19 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-3785 i really am scared stiff of becoming a stepmom, which will be soon! i don't know the first thing to do. i am good with kids but doubts regarding my handling with my soon-to-be stepkids are killing me? what if they'll hate me? what if their mom would make daily appearances? i could just pull my hair out. the kids are young, ages 3 and 4, would they respond to me like usual kids do? i really am floundering in here! i really am scared stiff of becoming a stepmom, which will be soon! i don’t know the first thing to do. i am good with kids but doubts regarding my handling with my soon-to-be stepkids are killing me? what if they’ll hate me? what if their mom would make daily appearances? i could just pull my hair out. the kids are young, ages 3 and 4, would they respond to me like usual kids do? i really am floundering in here!

]]> By: Kim http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-2453 Kim Sun, 25 Sep 2011 19:04:55 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-2453 Good advice! I struggle to find info where a woman without children of her own has joined a ready-made family. I am 29 and became a sep-Mom to 3 young kids last year. I don't have children of my own and am not going to have. I am happpy but it has been an immense challenge. I started off by quitting my job and looking after them full-time but after 8 months their Mom had got her act together and took them back. I'm doing the best I can but I read and take all the advice I can get too. I have been lucky enough to marry the most amazing man who doesn't think that his kids are perfect and we have a great relationship and I can talk to him about anything to do with the kids. Good advice! I struggle to find info where a woman without children of her own has joined a ready-made family. I am 29 and became a sep-Mom to 3 young kids last year. I don’t have children of my own and am not going to have. I am happpy but it has been an immense challenge. I started off by quitting my job and looking after them full-time but after 8 months their Mom had got her act together and took them back. I’m doing the best I can but I read and take all the advice I can get too.
I have been lucky enough to marry the most amazing man who doesn’t think that his kids are perfect and we have a great relationship and I can talk to him about anything to do with the kids.

]]> By: Jennifer J http://stepmomsos.com/on-being-a-stepmom/2010/01/comment-page-1/#comment-566 Jennifer J Thu, 14 Apr 2011 05:37:47 +0000 http://stepmomsos.com/?p=130#comment-566 Thank-you. I am struggling with this and your article helped me. I appreciate it. Thank-you. I am struggling with this and your article helped me. I appreciate it.

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