STEPMOM

If you are in a remarriage with children, you face some particular difficulties. Of course, you love your children, and feel loyal and protective towards them, and yet you have a spouse to consider, who may see your children differently than you do. You may feel stuck in the middle, not knowing how to make both sides happy.

For the Mother Remarried:
Does your husband think you are too lenient on your children?
Does he think you spoil them or give them too much?
Does he think you don’t discipline them as you should?
Does your husband complain that your kids misbehave?

Do your children complain about their stepfather?
Do your children show a preference towards you, in getting the help they need?
Do you see signs that your children are resisting their stepdad’s involvement?
Do they disrespect him?

Do you feel in the middle when the two of them don’t get along?
Do you take the side of your kids when there is an issue between them?
If you take your husband’s side, do you feel guilty for hurting the children?

For the Father Remarried:
Do you feel that the children should be able to relax when they’re with you?
Do you find yourself walking on eggshells so as not to upset the kids?
Does your wife think you are too lenient, or that you give them too much or spoil them?

Does your wife complain that your kids get away with too much?
Are your wife and kids at an impasse, not getting along or understanding one another?
Do you hesitate to discipline them, or to agree with your wife on a set of house rules?

Do you feel torn between your wife and your kids (and possibly your ex as well)?
Do you feel there’s not enough of you to go around, or enough money to go around?

How would you feel if you discovered that it’s not the mother remarried, or the father remarried who is at fault? And it’s not the stepmom or stepdad at fault either; you’re stuck in the stormy seas of the classic stepfamily dilemma!

For the father remarried and the mother remarried, these are some challenges of stepfamily life that are common experiences. If you understand how these challenges are built into the very structure of the stepfamily, you can arm yourself with methods to get through them. You are not alone; almost all stepfamilies need training.