STEPMOM

Since the stepfamily consists of two or more bloodlines under one roof, the issue of sexuality in the stepfamily can be a difficult one.  When you have unrelated teens living in close quarters, sharing a bathroom, etc. it is very important to set clear boundaries.  Here are some guidelines proposed by the National Stepfamily Resource Center as researched by Margaret Engel, PhD.:

1.  Monitor your displays of sexuality.

A new marriage brings a sexual aura into the household.  The newlyweds may hug, hold hands, exchange special glances and murmur “sweet nothings”.  They may make obvious efforts to set aside private time behind closes doors.  Adolescents may be inordinately embarrassed by this at a time when they are are managing their own raging hormones, and they may become even more curious about experimenting with sexual behaviors.  Such displays may also set off kids’ negative reactions to the new marriage.  Studies indicate that adolescents in stpefamilies are at greater risk for early sexual experiences.  Monitoring your obvious displays of sexuality may help, as will clearly communicating your family values.

2.  Err on the side of conservatism in dress and privacy.

The sexual atmosphere can be heightened in the household by provocative dress, casual nudity, and inadequate bathroom facilities during peak use times.  Relaxed behavior that did not present a problem in the single family home does create a problem in the stepfamily.  Ensure that all members of the home dress appropriately; and allow each member privacy.  There may be one person who is uncomfortable with a casual attitude around dress and privacy, but is embarrassed to say anything.

3.  Openly discuss the new sibling relationships in the family and expectations for behavior.

The combining of unrelated, sexually mature male and female family members into one household increases the potential for confusion about appropriate roles.  A teenage girl might wonder if the attractive new boy in the home is going to be a brother or a possible boyfriend.  A teenage boy may wonder if he’s supposed to make romantic overtures to prove his manliness.  Many adolescents are tempted to translate their curiosity or frustration into romantic experimentation with similarly confused stepsiblings.

Amid the confusion, there may be legal issues to consider.  Family laws vary state by state regarding legal relationships between stepparents and stepchildren, and ages of sexual relationship consent versus rape with a minor  Family laws are typically silent when it comes to relationships between stepsiblings.  It is up to the stepparents to put strong boundaries in place, and to extend the incest taboo across stepfamily lines.  A romantic relationship between stepsiblings can cause serious complications and repercussions.

Parents and stepparents should remain tuned in to the potential for unclear boundaries as children mature, if the stepfamily was formed when children were younger.  Be prepared to discuss sexuality in the stepfamily, and to prevent an additional complication to an already complex family structure!