Comments on: The Stepmom Stepdaughter Relationship

By: Coralee

Coralee — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 11:06:02 +0000

Tonight, I hate being a step mum. I have 3 step kids, 2 boys in addition to my own son and 1manipulative teenage girl whose own mum died 4 years ago today. she is lazy, caniving & a liar. My husband tries to be the best father he can be, but still doesn’t see the games she is playing. He is wonderful supportive & understanding. I only wish that other people in our lives realized just what a difficult job being a “full time” stepmum is!

By: DREda LADY

DREda LADY — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 14:02:39 +0000

thank you for this article. it really shed some light in the midst of challenges experienced in my family. I wish it could just be easy from the beginning of the relationship or during counseling for a proper foundation to be laid in terms of step parenting.

This article has helped a lot as Im even thinking that my husband does not want to spoil his relationship with his daughter, and sometimes I see her manipulation. She cannot stand seeing us cuddling, at 19. Is this bad for me to expect this? I know she loves her father, but what about me, as a new wife? How do we build our relationship?

By: going crazy step mom

going crazy step mom — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:29:50 +0000

I don’t know what to do anymore I have a 16 year old stepdaughter and going crazy I have been married a little over a year and 6months into our marriage stepdaughter’s mom didn’t want her anymore cause she was acting out and running away so we got her I have been trying to make it work with her for 10 months now but she is rude don’t listen to me unless her dad is around and will not help around house her room is a mess and it smells me and my husband have a 3 month old and I wont let her hold her or anything cause since I was pregnant she would refer to my baby as her baby me and my husband fight a lot and we used to never fight until she came along I am about to have a nervous breakdown I love my husband to death I just don’t know how to deal with his daughter oh yeah and he is not even on her birth certificate some other guy is and they never got a Dna test done so why cant the guy on it take her I just don’t know what to do I am about to go crazy she walks around the house like she is gods gift to the world help me before someone gets hurt or I go insane

By: caleen

caleen — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 03:13:51 +0000

Hi Everyone,
I am a stepmom who is close to loosing her brains due to the confusion at home.To make a long story short,i met my husband some 12yrs ago.He told me he had a little girl from a previous relationship,i was fine with that,at the time she was two yrs old.I have never met her mother phisically,but ever since this woman realised there was another woman in my husbands life,she hasn’t stopped creating tension in our home.
We both moved to a different country but continued taking care entirely of the kid and her older sister (who will soon turn 18)till they joined us two years ago.My husband for some reasons had assumed paternity of the older sister when he met their mother for reasons best known to them.I doubt if she even knows he is not her boilogical faher.
Back home this woman will spend most of her day making ghost calls,if i happened to pick up the call she wouldnt say a word,if my husband picked the call then there would be a complain about the kid being seriosly sick,all sorts of drama.Since they came here,it’s been one issue to the other,now she cannot call to ask for money for school,hospital or food,what she does now is put the kids all the time against both of us especially me.
I think she is using the girls to revenge.For some reasons she does not want to accept the fact that he is married to another woman.When they got here they had a complete black image of him,they take everything we do for granted,they try to take stuff from us to send to their mother eg digital camera,She sents people to our home out of our knowledge.There’s this lady who popped in one day and accidentlly met my husband who was suppoded to be out of town.No phone call to inform us of her visit,nothing.She tells her kids i am the obtstacle.after this many years she still thinks that if i am out of the way,they might a reconciliation,given that her girls are now here.Betterstill because i dont have kids.
The 18yrs old doesn’t intend to look for a job,she claims she’s been dropping her C.V but no one has ever called her since last year.At the same time she is complaining she does not want to work,she wants to study.
They told their phsychologist at school that they are not happy and that they have issues to tell their father in private.They dont want my presence so they’ll rather have him come to school.
I am the one who’d spent most of the time with them since they came here,their father works out of town and sometimes for as long as six months,though he does visit.I have never seen such ingratitude.When they came here i pleaded with them not to get involved into and battle between their mother and their father and to try and to try and have fun as kids.At first it worked untill the started communicating constantly with their mother.
At home,it’s a scenario of a polygamous home,they seemed to have replaced their mother.No gift is ever good enough for the 18yrs old and sometimes for the the 14yrs.
My husband is doing everything to show them he is not a monster,and by doing so he does disrepect me sometimes just to be on their side.My husbands attitude towards me completely changes when ever we are all together.He talks to me in a hash tone,at times i might just ask what he’ll prefer for diner and either he snoops or he goes; anything,in an unfriendly manner.He has a double personality,When they are at school he is the polite and nice husband,when we are in our bedroom he is nice but once he knows they are around forget it.I am just so unhappy,i want to leave them as soon as possible.I am paying the price for this talk of war with his daughter’s mother.I am so fed up.He refuses to see that this whole thing is affecting me,if i complain,he says i am prying into something which does not concern me.He says what ever issues he’s having either with the woman or the kids is not my business.
Because there is always tention we berely have any intimate relationship.
Help plse.

By: Christie

Christie — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 14:00:36 +0000

I am a stepmother to a 12 almost 13 year old stepdaughter. I have been in her life since she was 7 and her father and I have been married for 3 years this June. Since Christmas my step-daughter has been avoiding coming to our house. She didn’t even come and open her Christmas presents until 3 weeks after Christmas. Now she has sent a text stating that she never wants to come to our house and that we are not to text/call her ever again. When asked what brought this on, she told my husband that him and I were childish b/c he lectured her the last time she was with us (she lied to us and she got caught in the lie. She then sent my husband a email saying that I was the reason that she is not coming on her scheduled visitation anymore and that she never liked me and she was only pretending to like me all those years. My step-daughter and I always had a terrific relationship through the time her father and I were dating up until now. I feel as though her bio-mom has a lot to do with this, but not sure how to handle this right now. I have decided to step away from the situation and even offered to my husband that when she is there on the weekend that I will go and visit some friends so that he can still have the relationship with her. I don’t want to ruin the relationship that my husband had with his daughter and I don’t want this to ruin my husband and my marriage.

By: Lyn

Lyn — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 04:24:13 +0000

Hi
I’m a soon to be a stepmom. She is 18 and thinks she can do what she wants. Her dad has never given much disaplane in her life. He has raised her since the divorce 14 yrs ago. He mom has lots of issues and don’t give her daughter much loving. I have to two daughters of my on ages 14 and 16. My new soon to be step daughter is very jelous of my 16 yr. old. I have tried to talk with her and she does respond to me but you can feel the tention between us. I have talked with her father about this and all he says is its going to be ok everything will work out. I’m very scare it won’t. I really have a dislike for my stepdaughter and I think most of it comes from the fact that her dad won’t do anything about some issues. It’s like he is blind when it comes to her. His family has tried to talk to him and explain his daughter is out of control but he don’t see that. I’m really stressed and suggestion. I really love this man and he and my daughters get along great.

By: Marie O.

Marie O. — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 17:27:43 +0000

I’ve never written to one of these blogs so please bear with me. I’m over 40, and my widowed dad has formalized a domestic partnership with his girlfriend who is 20 years his junior. My mom died years ago, and I genuinely want my dad to be happy and not lonely. I’m an only child and have no other living relatives but my father. I had a good, stable childhood with two parents who loved me and no dysfunction to speak of. My mother was a really lovely person: smart, kind, and really caring about others.
My problem is that I am terribly concerned about my Dad’s choice of partner. She can be nice, but has (medicated) bipolar disorder and a seriously narcisstic streak. She always drank a lot, but is now mixing prescription drugs with alcohol. Due to her mental disorder, the more she drinks, the weirder she gets. The conversations just get uncomfortable and I’ve become more outspoken when she says things that are offensive to me (racist/homophobic comments, mean words about her family members, belittling comments about her domestic help). I can no longer hide my horror at some of her statements. Meantime, my dad seems to not notice.
Easter’s coming up and DH and I are seriously considering not getting together with them. I feel badly about it. Meantime I keep thinking how sad my mom would be. =(
Any advice or insight would be appreciated.

By: mg

mg — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 22:02:41 +0000

i absolutely do not like my step-mom, she stole my dad from me right after they got married. i do not live with my dad, so whenever he comes over to visit with her, which is 3 to 4 times a year, she always steals him away and doesn’t let me hang out with him! she does not know how to be a mother, and has this spoiled bratty 17 year old son. she was married previously for 3 years. i bet her ex-husband called it quits because she is such a nag, and when she doesn’t get her way, she yells at my dad like a baby and doesn’t talk to him for a couple of days. she thinks its okay to show me her lingerie. she yelled at me for not cleaning up her dishes because she expected me to do them without ever asking, and never apologized. has never said sorry for ever yelling at mean when i have done nothing. plus, inside a family photo album she has pictures of her and her friends holding up penis lollipops and penis ring pops. she complains when my dad and her haven’t had a date in forever even though they have about four or five a week, and i have not even spent time with my dad by myself in about 5 months because of her. when i was having my birthday party i told her that i wanted to plan everything by myself and she promised she would let me do everything that i want, but ended up getting all this food i didn’t want and making it all about her at my party, and showed her wedding video at my party. so obviously, if she doesn’t have the spotlight on her, or doesn’t get anything she wants, she turns into this bitchy rude person. and she broke my camera that was about 100 dollars that i didn’t even have for a whole year, never said sorry, and didn’t even ask if i wanted a new one, and has never bought me a new one. she borrows my clothes without asking and messes them up too.

By: jennifer

jennifer — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 03:22:32 +0000

I have had a “stepmother” for almost 20 years since I was 12 years old. Unfortunately she and I have a horrible relationship. She was so insecure and jealous. Jealous of my mom and my close relationship since she and her daughter were always at odds so she badmouthed my mother constantly even though she didn’t meet my mom until a decade after marrying my dad. Even though its been years since she badmouthed my mother that pretty much damaged any chance of us having a relationship. How could I possibly love a woman who showed so much hatred for my mother. Now my stepmom loves to go on and on about how nice my mom is, and it just feels so fake. I am polite to my dad’s wife when I have to be around her, but avoid her at all costs. What angers me so much is she’ll call me “her daughter” and that I have 2 moms. If she was really a “mom” to me she would not have treated me the way she did. Dad’s wife explains our relationship best. There also was extreme favortism of her daughter who lived with her and my dad full time as opposed to me who only visited on weekends. Now my “stepmom” wants to be a big happy blended family, tells me that the word “step” is a dirty word, and lives in denial of the past and talks about what a fabulous stepmother she is and was. I have even gone to therapy over how awful it was. I am grown, on my own, and see my dad’s wife maybe 1 to 3 times a year despite living only 10 minutes from her and my dad. She’s the type of person i can only handle in very small doses.

If I ever do become a stepmother myself at least I know everything not to do.

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